Does She Or Doesn’t She: A Modern Dilemma & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up Collaboration

In my Color My World post last month, I featured a lovely floral top that I’d purchased at a well-known nationwide retailer. One of the commenters on the post, my blogging buddy Shelbee of Shelbee On The Edge mentioned that she had “just picked up the cutest cropped flare pants in an adorable floral” from the same retailer. I had also recently purchased a pair of floral crop pants from said retailer, and thinking back on the floral pants options I’d seen while shopping, her comment had me wondering if we’d bought the same item. And if we had, maybe a collaboration post would fun to put together.

I mused on this idea for a few days before reaching out to Shelbee. We had indeed bought the same pair of floral wide-leg crops and she was game for a collaboration where we would each show our styling spin for the item at hand. Then I shared with her my idea for a topic and asked if we could connect this with her weekly #SpreadTheKindness link up. Shelbee graciously agreed to all of my demands suggestions although she said that she would take the opposite viewpoint on the topic. How awesome is she! Not only would our posts be “connected” by the item to be styled, our topics would align as well.

Floral wide-leg crops – Merona
White eyelet top – Old Navy
Denim jacket – thrifted (similar, another option)
White wedge sandals – Franco Sarto (similar look, another option)

In my neck of the woods, we are already enjoying warmer temps so in my styling spin, I’m showcasing the bright and springy colors of the crops against a white eyelet top and the universal neutral, denim. These crops are the other pattern/color option for the ones I featured two weeks ago in Springing To Mind: Wide-Leg Crops.

Now onto the topic, does she or doesn’t she? That tagline for Clairol hair color products was intended to counter the stigma associated with dying one’s hair that existed in the late 50’s. Nowadays, there is no shame associated with altering your hair color and many choose to do so in a variety of colorful ways (pun intended). Now, the modern day dilemma for many women is related to the decision on when to stop coloring their hair (if ever) and to “embrace the gray”.

I’ve been getting the color of my hair enhanced for nearly 30 years, long before any gray started to appear, thinking the natural color to be a bit dull and lackluster. When I was pregnant a couple of decades ago, concerns related to the potential harm from hair dyes to a developing fetus had me switching temporarily to semi-permanent tinting a couple of times. In the last 10 years or so, the dying of my hair had become less about color enhancement, more about covering gray, and the time between touch-ups had shrunken to four weeks.  The demarcation of my roots between weeks 3 and 4 would drive me nuts.

Precisely 8 weeks ago, on February 7 to be exact, after considerable thought and deliberation, I had my roots touched up for the last time. At that appointment, I wasn’t yet certain it would be the last but I’d made up my mind by the next time I was due to see Amy (my first featured A Woman I Know).  I’d been thinking about it for several months and had done a little bit of reading on how to manage through the transition.

I’m now on the road to letting the gray grow out. In my approach, I decided to try some highlights to help camouflage against the contrast of gray roots to dark hair. I’m very pleased with the blond streaks and I think they’re helping me get used to seeing myself with lighter hair. I won’t be getting highlights done on a regular basis, perhaps every 3 or 4 months and taper off on them as well. With the length of my hair, it’ll probably take the better part of two years before the gray is all grown out.  I’ve read that the toughest time in the transition is between months 3 and 6 so I hope my current resolve is strong enough to see me through.

view from top – before highlights

view from back – before highlights

view from top – after highlights

view from back – after highlights

Those of you familiar with Shelbee’s #SpreadTheKindness weekly feature and the link up may be wondering how does the decision to color or not color one’s hair connect with her message and mission to spread goodness and gratitude and love and kindness. Shelbee’s reaction to my decision to stop dying my hair was positive and supportive, all very much in line with the theme. However, she shared that she’s not ready yet to go that route and that’s perfectly fine with me.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to fashions and trends, whether it’s how we style our wardrobe or our hair. We are all trying to look the best that we can and be true to ourselves. Shelbee and I lead vastly different lives and yet, we can still connect through blogging, through our mutual love of fashion, and through the desire to support one another’s personal choices.

We didn’t discuss what our ensembles would be and as you see, we had very different and yet fabulous looks (all modesty aside). Shelbee’s outfit is far more edgy than mine which suits her so well.  She is several inches taller than me so the proportions of a longer tunic that looks so marvelous on her would overwhelm me.  And how freaking fantastic is the stripes and floral combo?


I’ll keep you posted on my progress with transitioning to gray. My research on going gray also lead me to find some resources about styling hair, specifically techniques for cutting that enhances and compliments a person’s natural curls. About 10 years ago, I finally learned to accept and embrace my curls but with the volume of hair that I have, it’s a struggle to keep it under control. I may have an update or two on that subject in the near future as well.

Let’s connect! Subscribe, tweet, follow, friend, love, pin, stumble … all options are available and waiting for you. I look forward to hearing from you. Be sure to pop over to Shelbee On The Edge and don’t forget to add a post or two to the link up.


28 thoughts on “Does She Or Doesn’t She: A Modern Dilemma & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up Collaboration”

  1. Rena, such a great post! And you were way more thorough than I in drafting a fabulous post (I apologize for my lackadaisical writing on this one…I’ve got the “moving blues” but good and am feeling quite harried with all the packing and such!) Putting my excuses aside, I adore the way you have style these pants! And how funny (or maybe simply just connected) that we have both used pieces from Old Navy on the top half of our outfits! So, yes, totally different styles and lives and body types…yet we are continually drawn to purchase from the same retailers similar pieces (or the exact same pieces in this case). For me, that says so much about fashion and how it can simply bring people together in such an amazing way! I wish you so much luck with the transition to gray! I do not look forward to making the transition myself at this point (although I probably should seeing as I have been too lazy to color my hair as of late and I am probably half way transitioned already). It is always fun to join you, my friend, in collaborations. Thanks so much for coming up with this one. It was fun!


    1. Shelbee, it’s you that deserves a huge thank you for agreeing to partner with me. My commitment to you helped to push me to getting this post done and out as scheduled. I think that our choices of where to shop also has a lot to do with what’s being offered that fits with our lifestyles and fashion aesthetics. I’m so grateful to have been able to make a connection with you.. Got any ideas for another collaboration?


  2. Rena you look lovely. I have been thinking about the transition as well. I am not quite ready for that yet, but I know there will come a time, where I just need to accept the fact that I am getting older. That doesn’t mean, I am no longer beautiful or fashionable, but it does mean I can be confident enough to accept it. I’m not quite there yet. Ha, ha. I love that you gals teamed up for this and both your looks are so perfect for spring! Thanks for sharing. – Amy

    1. Amy, thank you for the wonderful compliments. As to transitioning, it’s taken quite a long time for me to make this decision. As recently as a couple of years ago, I thought that I would continue to cover the gray for at least another 5 to 10 years. I think you’ll know when the time is right for you.

  3. I love the hightlights Rena! I’ve been dyeing my hair for years now – not to cover grey hairs, but because I prefer it red to my natural dark brown. Recently I’m starting to see the grey hairs coming through, at first I was bothered about it and plucked them out! But now I realise that the lighter/greyer it gets the more colour options I have. When it’s silver grey I’ll be dyeing it all sorts of colours…pink, lilac, purple. Every cloud (or grey hair) has a silver lining 😉

    Emma xxx

    1. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Emma. I’ve been wanted to try some crazy colors and I may do some accents on the tips once the old color is completely grown out.

  4. Such a great idea for a post. Love the floral pants — worn two completely different ways. Also love the blonde highlights — I look forward to following your transition to gray (I am currently way too chicken for that)!

  5. Hi Rena!
    I enjoyed reading about how you and Shelbee bought the same pants! Love them paired with the delicate eyelet top and jean jacket. Spring awaits! Love the highlights as well and think that is might be wonderful to have the freedom to go grey. I have fair skin, and my greys are coming in, but I cant see myself grey due to my skin tone, I would be washed out. I think its great either way!
    Have a wonderful week!
    jess xx

    1. Jess, thank you for the compliments. I’m really loving the highlights too and I wish I had done them sooner even if I hadn’t been trying to grow out my gray. I’m fairly fair as well so with lighter hair, I’m already making some different choices with colors and make up. I think that it’s all about adaptation.

  6. Good for you to decide to accept the graying… you may be surprised how much you like it after it comes in and you are used to it. I have seen many women who actually look better with their natural hair color… even gray…. than the other chosen colors. 🙂

    1. Thank you for your encouragement. It’s still a little startling at times when I look in the mirror, but I do like the glittery effect I’m starting to see as the roots are growing out. I definitely think it was time to make this change.

  7. Before I even read your post, the thought that went through my mind was that you’ve got great “street style.” One of my very favorite designers is Alice + Olivia. I don’t wear a ton of her stuff because it’s pricey (I try to find it secondhand), but she has all these great prints with a nod toward styles gone by. Your pants–and the ones in a previous post–remind me so much of the Alice + Olivia styles I see when I look for her styles. Those pants combined with the eyelet top, denim jacket, and wedge sandals creates an outfit that is hip and modern.

    You’ve inspired me to go on a hunt for flowery pants and eyelet tops and wedge sandals.

    As for graying hair and growing it out…. What a marvelous topic to discuss. Reading through your journey so far and seeing the photos is breathtaking and encouraging. I say breathtaking because this is a big step. As you said in your post, you’ve thought long and hard about it and you decided to take the leap. Not only that–and here’s where the really breathtaking part comes in–you’re sharing this journey with the rest of us. You’re not hiding it. And you’ve given me yet one more reason — in the dozens I have already — to admire and respect you.

    Thank you for sharing this. In between coloring, I can see I have my own strands appearing in different places and I’m not ready to let my own hair go gray yet. I wonder if I ever will. But watching you experience it will help me decide and maybe one day have the courage to take the leap.


    1. Oh Sherry, what a fabulous compliment … “you’ve got great street style”. You’re such a dear and I’m honored to know that you’ve gotten some inspiration from my outfit. As far as my journey on going gray, my hair is a big (pun intended) part of my overall look that any change would be noticed so why not blog about it! I can only hope that looks as good as so many of the other women who are rocking this look.
      when it’s fully grown out.

  8. Your white eyelet top is such a classic piece and I think eyelet can feminize and flatter so many different fabrics! This is yet another pair of fun floral pant. At first I thought they might be covered in hydrangeas but regardless of the flower the blue, black and white is really lovely!

  9. Well, I came to visit from the Aim linkup & I find the Share linkup, which is so nice because once link parties regularly hit 200 links I fade back from them.
    I think that somehow there must be bots or apps that I don’t know about because I’ll see numerous links from different blogs, they have a lot of the top spots already at numerous link parties. At that point, there are too many others to visit & I feel my content is not specific enough sometimes.
    I like to visit as many party links as appeal to me, but when I have to sift through 200+ then it becomes less like a party and more like flogging the blogs (for me). Since I have limited time but want to be a good participant, I move away from the huge parties and look for more intimate ones.
    I like the Kindness party & I’ll definitely be back; I hope you’ll take a minute to stop by the 4Shoes & let me know you’ve been.

    Also, I’m a natural blonde and starting to notice silver strands. I’ve been colouring my hair a little darker than my natural shade. Not sure when it will be, but I suppose the silver will keep multiplying… & I’mm probably take the same approach as you are doing by highlighting & getting so many colour in thee nobody but me remembers the original shade. I LOVE your hair – I would trade convincing flat, fine hair to do ANYTHING other than hang there for those masses of curls you must wrestle with any day.

    1. I completely understand and agree with your perspective on the larger than life link up parties. I tend to shy away from them too so that I don’t get lost in the mix. I’m so glad that you’ve stopped by to give my blog a read. Thank you for introducing yourself and for the lovely compliments on my hair.

A comment from you would be lovely