How often do you mutter to yourself “what a load of crap” or words to that effect? Obviously, life isn’t butterflies and rainbows all the time so it’s inevitable that we periodically run up against an expected challenge or demand for our time or frustrating situation.
Might it also be the disappointment of finding that one of your favorite bloggers ghosted on publishing a link-up post? Perhaps I’m projecting but my apologies to anyone who might have wondered why I skipped last week without any warning. I’ll avoid making up a story that would elicit your sympathies because any excuse I could offer now would fall into the category of “what a load of crap”. The plain and simple truth is that I was feeling as lazy and unmotivated to take photos as I was to write the post. That’s it, what’s done is done. Now let’s move on to another load of crap.
And I do mean that quite literally though I want to, as they say, set the stage before I get to those details. While I was in my little funk last week, one of the first thoughts I had after waking one morning was “today I feel my age”. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t been clocking in my usual amount of sleep for a few nights. Nothing hurt, I wasn’t sick nor depressed but the reality of being over 60 could no longer be ignored. Most days I feel like I’m still in my 40s and wonder how my kids could have grown so much when I haven’t gotten any older but not that day.
The Husband and I have fallen into a habit of late-night TV viewing (aka binge-watching) and then sleeping late into the morning. Obvs, retirement has its perks. Many days we don’t really get going until close to noon. We joke about it with our friends who are still working and remember when our parents were doing the same. Of course, it’s not a schedule that we absolutely must stick to and we are fully capable of shifting it as priorities change or opportunities arise. For some reason, a memory from long ago recently popped into my mind. It was of an older relative saying that she wouldn’t be able to attend a family event taking place in the morning hours because she couldn’t be “ready to go” that early in the day. At the time, I recall assuming that she likely didn’t even care to be there and thinking “what a load of crap.”
But what if that was actually the problem? Apparently, changes to the digestive system are among the many physical changes that come with menopause and aging in general. I’ve experienced some since retiring two years ago. It wasn’t until I resumed in-person shopping in earnest in early 2021 that I became acutely aware of the problem those changes presented. For a time, COVID restrictions had allowed businesses to make their restrooms unavailable to the public. I found many retail stores and even markets in my local area had done so which meant that many times I’d had to leave an establishment mid-shopping and make a quick scramble to find a restroom somewhere else if an urgent need struck.
The lack of public restrooms, the availability of which has been affected by the COVID pandemic, is a very real thing that can impact our ability to travel, shop, and partake in events away from home. An interesting article on the topic, Which Countries and Cities Have the Most Restrooms?, provides some eye-opening comparative stats that may give you pause. I can recommend this article published by Bloomberg, Where Did All the Public Bathrooms Go?, if you’re interested in reading about the history of public restrooms in America. Quite a load of crap.
Now, as a grown woman, I do make it a practice to “pee before I leave” so that wasn’t the problem that had me scurrying. It was the unpredictability of my bowels at the root of the problem. Prior to retirement, I was usually ready “to go” by the time I got to work and then I was typically good for the rest of the day. Even on the weekend, “one and done” was fairly normal and it was never an “I gotta go now” kind of thing. I can’t pinpoint exactly when things began to change since toilet availability at home wasn’t a problem in the early days of social distancing when most stores were closed. It was the difficulty of finding open public restrooms that made me aware of the changes in my daily pattern. Even then, I found that for most days my “time on the toilet” concluded by mid-afternoon so I would likely be safe venturing out later in the day. But that wasn’t always the case. Over time, I learned which stores had their restrooms open for the public making them my safe havens in a time of need.
However, restroom availability is only part of the problem. As you can imagine, cleaning up can often present its own set of challenges and all that wiping can lead to irritation. Was it worry over similar challenges that was behind my relative’s inability to attend a family event early in the day? At this point, it’s not possible for me to find out and besides, many women keep these types of personal problems under wraps. I do wonder if it’s unspoken issues like this one that are part of the causes of self-isolation that impact the lives of so many older people. Not long ago while shopping, another woman and I wound up eyeing an article of clothing at the same time. What we both thought was a dress turned out to be a jumpsuit which the other woman dismissed as not practical; “I go to the bathroom too often”, she said. Apparently, I’m not the only one.
Over the course of the last year or so, I’ve ruled out several possible causes of my changing pattern mostly by trial and error. There was no change while I was vegan for 6 weeks earlier this year so it’s likely not from an issue with dairy. Even as a non-vegan, I eat a fairly balanced diet that includes yogurt as well as 4-5 fruits/vegetables a day and whole grains. Many of the more serious and life-threatening causes include one key symptom I don’t have, unintentional weight loss. As such, my level of concern in regard to my health has been less than my irritation over inconvenience. Surprisingly, the problem hasn’t been much of an obstacle when traveling despite my concerns that it could be. Sitting in a car or on a plane doesn’t seem to trigger the urge to go nearly as effectively as browsing in a thrift store.
Since I’d gotten a clean report on my colonoscopy last year (and the problem had already begun), I figured that I was good on that front. Even so, I delayed seeking medical attention until the problem could no longer be ignored. A few months ago I made an appointment for a physical exam which then had to be postponed when I came down with COVID. After sharing my concerns with my doctor at the appointment a few weeks ago, she ordered a number of tests (both blood and stool) to check for many of the common causes of my symptoms. The results on all of them have been negative which is a relief health-wise but frustrating that I don’t yet have a solution. I’ve not yet had a chance to speak to my doctor about any next steps but that’s most certainly on my to-do list.
My certainty on the matter relates to the literal “load of crap” that I referenced earlier. Not too long ago, an unexpected need arose. This need turned out to be much more urgent than initially anticipated. Within a matter of minutes and before I could take action to find a restroom or figure out another option, I had a load of crap to deal with. As luck would have it, I could access a private space for the necessary clean-up using the napkins, water, and sanitary wipes I had in my car. My husband helped to secure the location and find a bag in which to dispose of the soiled items. I did “lose” my underwear but fortunately, the rest of my clothing was spared so I just went commando afterward.
Had this occurred in a more public setting with witnesses other than my husband, I would’ve been mortified. My husband has even commented on the relative steadfastness with which I handled the situation. Even so, I was then and am still now a bit alarmed by it but that level of urgency hasn’t happened again since. It does give me further pause in consideration of restroom availability no matter where I go and to be ready with a Plan B if necessary.
What’s the connection between this topic and the images in this post? The photos were taken in a recreation area adjacent to Shasta Lake in northern California where we stopped to stretch our legs and do a little sightseeing. It was day one of a recent road trip The Husband and I took to see our daughter who now lives in Washington. Not far from where I am is a restroom building that was thankfully open.
Let’s Wrap This Up
Now, onto the Fine-Whatever link-up. My featured blogger from the last link-up is Suzy, a Yorkshire lass living it up on the shores of the beautiful Algarve who shares her love of fashion on her blog The Grey Brunette.
Kudos to you if you read through the whole post. I’ll try to circle back on this issue when/if the cause is figured out. I imagine that you might be muttering to yourself “what a load of crap” and wondering why I would even write a blog post about this. Which is exactly my point. I think that it’s important to be authentic and honest when it comes to life experiences. The happy and the troubled, the pretty and the messy, the good and the bad. Do you share my sentiments? What new challenges are you facing?
Stay well and let’s keep in touch! Subscribe, Tweet, follow, friend, pin … all options are available. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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Note: This is an unsponsored post; however, some or all of the links to clothing items are associated with an affiliate program where I earned a few cents for each click.
Photos: MMPerez
25 Comments
It is ironic you would write a post about this very crappy subject. Back when I was teaching, I had severe IBS as did the two teachers with whom I taught. After retiring, I’m glad to report my IBS attacks are rare and usually are the result of eating something I know I shouldn’t. But, I do know that urgent feeling (as well as the cleanup when you just can’t get there). My husband, on the other hand, is experiencing several problems. I think they are related to his anxiety and stress over Covid, the isolation, and then breaking his ankle (requiring surgery) during Covid. He also had a colonoscopy (at his request), and the gastroenterologist finally wiped his hands (pun intended…cuz we do need a laugh every now and again) of him saying he needed therapy (I agreed with this). He went on to find another gastroenterologist who specializes in IBS and is currently on medication. He is still miserable and rarely feels good which, in turn, makes me miserable and just wishing for some answers. I believe, in the coming years, we will read more and more about gut issues and how Covid is the culprit…not because of actually having the virus, but because of the stress and anxiety. I wish you luck in finding answers…and didn’t even think “what a load of crap” when you skipped last week. We all have off weeks! BTW…thanks for this week’s link party! Please feel free to visit for a link up today and Friday!
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Great post and yes we need to talk and share so we can learn from each other. I talked about menopause with my friends 17 years ago when I first got symptoms. And then later wrote about it when I started to blog. I find a good probiotic has really helped with my bowel issues. So might be worth trying. I use bio kult..for digestive issues.
Marsha, I suffered from stress related IBS for years when I worked in NYC. There was probably about a 15 year stretch where I never pooped solid. It was always runny and I was always running to find a bathroom, often not in time! My first colonoscopy when I was 31 had terrible results with all sorts of polyps and other issues going on. But then I left that stressful environment and by my next colonoscopy at 36, I was free and clear and my poop has been normal and regular ever since! So I definitely agree with you that stress can cause all sorts of bowel issues as I experienced it first hand and rid myself of the problems when I rid myself of the stress. My father had undiagnosed IBS which resulted in me gaining a wonderful sense of humor around poop and poop accidents! Everybody shits and everybody has shit their pants so I don’t think we should have any shame about it! Shit happens!
Shelbee
First I appreciate you sharing and your way with words speaking about a crappy subject. If all physical ailments are ruled out – could this be an issue of anxiety? It only happens when you’re shopping and it doesn’t happen when traveling or on long drives. A thought.
Thanks for sharing.
While I don’t have this problem as a rule, I have had that unexpected urgency at home – and not made it, because I didn’t understand how fast it would escalate. (Yes, I know that sounds completely dumb.) No idea of the cause – except that I’m about a year and half from 60. But I have seen my mom struggle with this issue, and like you, she had a clean bill of health. If you find something that works, I hope you’ll share.
And by the way, I love this outfit. Those slacks are fabulous!
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
Rena, thanks for sharing this, I have a feeling many women can relate and hopefully this leads to more sharing and figuring out what’s going on. Years ago my mother had this issue and it turned out to be diverticulitis but it happened quite often while she was out shopping and it was terrible! She always keeps extra clothes in her trunk.
Thanks for the link up!
xo,
Kellyann
Rena, thanks for keeping it real today and sharing your story. I hope you are able to get some answers! I’ve had IBS (not severe, luckily) since my 20s and though it’s mostly under control with medication, I do have my moments occasionally where a bathroom is needed RIGHT NOW. As for skipping a link up, no worries at all – I’m just sorry you were in a tough demotivated place (which believe me, I can relate to). And for the outfit – love the chambray/denim with the print pants!
Thank you for being so open about this. I remember my mother having this problem and basically becoming a recluse; afraid to go out in public for fear of having an “accident” in public. My problem is the opposite… constipation caused by medication which in turn requires more medication to deal with it.
I always have to pee, I drink a lot of water. But never had a,,accident,,. But I’m always for the look out for a public loo. I was wondering how you managed to keep your curls while in menopause. Mine seems to be disappearing.
Very important topic and not often addressed. My mother and her peers (in their 70s-90s) have had their freedoms severely curtailed by businesses and councils gaily closing restrooms FOR GOOD, citing Covid, and the ladies often require a restroom quickly. Of course it’s not just older folk….but it’s another reason why many elderly people don’t go out very often.
Oh how true all this is, I’m sure most of us can relate to all situations you describe. And we all think we’re unique because it’s not discussed openly so thank you for that. I too had lots of tests last year and came out negative on them all. So thanks to your post it sounds like it’s yet another age thing and we just need to keep calm and carry on, but always with that Plan B ready to roll out.
Thanks for sharing!
Mary xxx.
I second your views about the older generation and how we judged their thoughts and actions before venturing out. There is a great deal of publicity in the UK at the moment about bowel cancer and being aware of the changes in our bodies so it’s great that attention is being thrown in ‘that’ direction. Meanwhile, I wish I’d been more consistent with the pelvic floor exercises when my pelvic floor was intact! Well done for raising this issue Rena, so we don’t feel so isolated in our trials.
Pamela
http://www.style-yourself-confident.com
I love those pants on you and they look great with the chambray shirt! Sorry to hear there are such issues trying to find a public bathroom around – I haven’t noticed any more closing down here – although to be honest with young kids if a place doesn’t have a bathroom I’m not likely to go, you never know when their need will strike, haha!
It’s good the tests were negative but hope that they can identify some other cause for it for you!
Thanks for the link up! Hope you had a great weekend 🙂
I love your fun outfit, especially the top and bag. The restrooms were closed during covid? That’s insane! They were not closed in America. The dressing rooms were though…I always thought how silly to have the restrooms open but not the dressing rooms.
Looking very nice. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and a lot of places have closed (and still have closed) their restrooms. It totally sucks and it sometimes can be hard.
Very nice post. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
Yes, I admit to using the phrase “what a load of crap” on more than one occasion. What a brave post! Thanks for taking on a difficult topic for discussion. I’m in my 70s, and I totally understand that it takes longer to get ready to leave the house in the mornings. And I’m always looking for a public restroom wherever we travel — just in case.
Thanks for hosting the link-up!
Carol
http://www.scribblingboomer.com
Oh my gosh, Rena, this might be my favorite post topic ever! If we can’t have a sense of humor about crapping our pants, then we might be doomed to a humorless existence! I like humor and have laughed my butt off on many occasion over my own toilet urgency that led to similar situations. I, too, know which establishments have the best bathrooms. But that is due more to my frequent urination issues. Right now, my poop schedule is fairly regular with everything moved out in the early morning hours long before I venture out of my house. But those early morning hours seem to get earlier and earlier with menopause. I am generally awakened by bowel urgency before 4:00 a.m. and one cannot adequately clean oneself in the darkness so I have to turn the bathroom lights on which subsequently wakens me fully enough that I can’t go back to sleep. But it’s all gotta come out at some point and we don’t get to determine when that is apparently! This was so fun to read and I absolutely adore this outfit on you!
Shelbee
I love your honesty Rena, thank you for sharing your story. I have noticed changed in my ‘functions’. since having the children, they often joke when out shopping that I have to visit the Ladies upon arrival .. they might have that problem one day too! Since starting mediation for cholesterol I have to seriously consider what time I want to go out and where toilets are! I have noticed many public conveniences have been closed but lots of the shops still have them which is good.
I hope you get to the ‘bottom’ (excuse the use of language) of your problems and can sort a more helpful conclusion for it. Best wishes Jacqui xx
You look very young! I also think that these types of publications are important, With them, people are no longer afraid to share their experiences and possible solutions. A hug, Raquel
I definitely have to go several times before I run in the mornings otherwise it can become a problem. Thankfully, I just need to allow myself some time after getting up. I do understand though as I have times, I have had to find a bathroom quickly (thankfully we never had closed bathrooms here) and I know one of my running friends (who is 69) has to make sure there is a bathroom on our running route.
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
Rena, your story about the older relative made me smile because we find ourselves thinking of how often we used to think something that bothered our elderly (no longer with us) neighbors was “no big deal.” Now that we’re the age they were when we first moved in, when we get stressed about some little thing, we say, “Before long we’ll be just like Bob and Mary.”
Thank for hosting!! I shared from both my blogs – and visited a few too! Have a wonderful weekend.
Rena, I am so glad for bloggers like you who keep the “ungolden” side of aging so real. It just made my day to hear you talk about a problem that so many of us have. While I have never had the accidents, my hubby has so he now keeps a change of underwear and pants (even socks) in a bag in his car. I have had IBS for years so I don’t typically have what we hear as “normal”, but then what the heck is “normal” any more???? Thanks for keeping it real and living life even when it is not always pleasant. I’m one of the ones that almost always has to poop when I shop so I just make sure I know the stores have open restrooms. I’m not going to let these physical issues keep me from doing things I want to do and I know you aren’t either. Have a wonderful “normal poop” kind of day! Ha, ha. – Amy
https://stylingrannymama.com/
I do a lot of road trips and car traveling and this no public restroom business has been SO annoying. I have found that the chain of Von’s grocery stores we have here and California, and libraries usually have public restrooms. I actually just bought a pop up potty for my tent for camping because I have stayed in multiple campgrounds during the pandemic that did not have public restrooms’! I’ll be blogging about that purchase on my next upcoming camping trip.
Kudos to you, Rena, for sharing your experiences. So few of us are willing to partaking in such conversations for fear of….well, I don’t really know to be honest. But it’s all natural, it’s all stuff we all go through so why shouldn’t we talk about it. I can totally understand you, I suffered from IBS for years. It’s only since turning vegan that my stomach issues seemed to have mostly resolved. Saying that, over the past few weeks, I’ve had a few issues that I’ve just put down to tummy bugs because I’ve been out and about more often.
As far as public loos go, I too, often think about where I’ll be able to go, should the need arise!
Brilliant, and honest, post, Rena. Thank you for sharing. Oh and thank you so much for the shout out. I’m sorry I didn’t pop over sooner!
Big hugs,
Suzy xx