“Not yet sure” was my initial response to The Husband’s query of “What’s the story for this outfit?”. Typically in preparation for a photo shoot, I’ll share with him my concept for the post for which the images will be used. His question had come up in the course of our conversation as we were heading to an event since I hadn’t yet offered any insight.
There were many ideas whirling around in my brain I told him. It could be simply about a white dress or about tie-dye or a combo of the two as a lean-in on Coastal Grandmother. I really wasn’t sure and I probably wouldn’t figure it out until I was actually writing the post. And even as I’ve begun to do so, it feels as though there are too many ideas vying for my attention.
The one topic that is getting a lot of play time in my brain is something like this; what’s the story behind feeling like we aren’t enough? That even when we feel good, we still must explain ourselves. The response to a compliment cannot simply be “thank you” but needs to include a self-deprecating statement which in essence nullifies the compliment. One case in point is the recent Instagram post by Paulina Porizkova in which she discussed the pitfall of self-comparisons.
In the caption for that post, Paulina sets out to advise on how we can control our reactions to the comparisons and makes some good points, too. But at the end of it, she seems to revert back to the old comparison habit she had just described. A self-inflicted injury. I think that her message would have been much more powerful without it.
Beyond the physical comparisons that many are quick to draw on themselves, there are a number of other ways we can also feel as though we fall short when questions along the vein of “what’s the story?” are posed to us. The ones I struggle with oftentimes are “what did you do (insert timeframe here)?” or “what have you been up to lately?”. Compared to the busy lives others must be living, my relatively stress-free days of deciding on a whim what I’ll be doing on any particular day hardly seem to be of much interest.
Such was a discussion I had just yesterday with a friend who has recently retired. Compared to what our daily routines had been while we were working, we both admitted to struggling with feeling that how we spend our time now must not be of much interest to others. While we are busy and filling our time with activities we enjoy, there are doubts that we’ll be found lacking in comparison. Or worse, we’d be uninteresting.
As older adults, we no longer face the struggles of childrearing or the workplace drama that may have existed before we retired. While I was still working, I had given much thought to how I might structure the 12 hours per day that I would recapture once I’d retired. What I hadn’t realized back then was how easily time can go by. The 45 minutes I can now spend over a leisurely breakfast is as productive to me as the class someone else might be taking. Or the half of a day it takes to bake two loaves of sourdough bread is as worthy of discussion as the difficult client someone else had to deal with at work.
As for the story about today’s look, somehow I convinced myself to give a white dress another try. I’d bought one a couple of years ago for White Dress – Magnificent 8 Collaboration that I truly never wore. As comfortable as a swing-style dress is, it isn’t very flattering to bustier gals especially one with a rounded neckline. Fast forward to a couple of months ago when I came across the one I’m wearing in these photos and I was swayed. This day was the first time wearing it and I’ll admit that I was a bit nervous about it getting stained. The tie-dye kimono was also a recent acquisition from Lucky Brand bought on clearance for something like $11. My wedge sandals were bought new a couple of months ago as well and were first shared in The Ol’ Closet Switcheroo.
Let’s Wrap This Up
Now, onto the Fine-Whatever link-up. My featured blogger from the last link-up is Kellyann, the style powerhouse who shares affordable fashion finds, beauty products, and a whole lot more on her blog This Blonde’s Shopping Bag. Note to self, must check to see if those pants she’s wearing are available in my size.
So, what’s your story? Anything new and exciting happening or is it just the same old, same old? How often have you caught yourself making comparisons and felt as though you might be lacking? You’ll get no judgment from me, just an eager listener waiting to hear about what’s going on in your life.
Stay well and let’s keep in touch! Subscribe, tweet, follow, friend, pin … all options are available. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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Note: This is an unsponsored post; however, some or all of the links to clothing items are associated with an affiliate program where I earned a few cents for each click.
Photos: MMPerez
23 Comments
How we dress is a reflection off our personality. You can get to know someone through how they represent themselves and fashion tells that.
https://www.bauchlefashion.com/2022/05/summers-edition-mays-hottest-style-drops.html?m=1
Rena, thank you so much for the feature AND those kind words, you really have no idea how much I needed to hear those today. It’s funny how uncomfortable we can feel when complimented; I think I grew up believing that is wasn’t good to be prideful or conceited. Somehow my brain took that to mean you cannot feel good about yourself. It has taken a lot of time for me to get past that. And my story? I have accepted that my story is pretty boring to most people and that’s okay. I work from home, I’m not party animal and don’t get out much. I used to try to push myself into more exciting ventures but they left me feeling empty and unhappy – it wasn’t a good fit for me.
I really like the white you are wearing, you look beachy and ethereal – so peaceful! I’m thinking summer goddess!
xo,
Kellyann
That’s a fabulous outfit on you! The white maxi dress and the tie-dye kimono make a flattering and romantic statement.
Thanks for hosting the link-up!
Carol
http://www.scribblingboomer.com
It seems like every day I am hearing the term coastal grandmother!
Oh, Rena, you have no idea how much I can identify with this post. I retired ten years ago from teaching and have spent almost every day regretting it. My retirement was at the right time for me for many reasons but that doesn’t keep me from missing it. I had several months before my husband retired so I had some time to fall into a bit of a routine. My story changed vastly about seven years ago when we moved to be closer to our children. That isn’t always a good idea as they have their lives, and you end up leaving yours behind. I have struggled with finding women of or even somewhat near my age with the same interests. It’s also difficult to break into new groups…kind of like high school all over again! My story is that I often feel I don’t have much purpose anymore. I am involved at my church, but it feels rather artificial to me because I don’t really enjoy what I’m doing. I started blogging to keep my brain active and have found a community there, but it’s virtual, right? Right now, we are in the midst of building a new home, packing up the old one, and hoping the dominoes all fall at the right time! I have learned, since blogging, to accept compliments. Oh, and that comparison thing? I would win a gold medal! It seems, even though both my husband I had pensions as well as retirement plans, we don’t have the same things others around us do. Where is my second home in the woods? Where is my boat? Why aren’t we going on luxurious vacations? And, what do I want to do? Apologize for feeling this way. It’s such a vicious cycle! Thanks for a very thought provoking post as well as the link party. I hope you’ll join me on the 10th!
https://marshainthemiddle.com
I am still processing the idea of comparison as a self-inflicted injury. So true!
I was just going through our calendar for the next couple of months and though hubby and I are both fully retired, it sure seems to fill up in a hurry! The difference being that more of our busyness now is by choice than it was when we were working and there’s often more flexibility.
As for compliments, I’ve been trying to learn to simply say thank you! It’s so easy to slip into self-deprecating responses though, isn’t it? For example, I had my mass of curly hair (a bit like yours) cut quite short recently and I’m not at all sure that I like it. When someone complimented me on my new do a few days ago, I was sorely tempted to launch into an explanation of what I don’t like about it, but instead, I managed to say something like, “Thank you. I’m still getting used to it myself.” Interestingly, I felt a little better about it after that.
And, here’s a compliment for you… I think today’s outfit is gorgeous!
That’s a lovely outfit on you Rena. White is a good colour for you.
It really is a fact that we do feel our lives become uninteresting to others in retirement, but hugely satisfying to ourselves. What the heck eh, let’s carry on doing what keeps us on track.
Love the white dress look. I too have a similar one which I bought a few years ago and have only worn once. I’ll change that when I get back from holiday, thanks to your inspo!
Hugs Mary xxx
thepoutingpensioner.blogspot.com
Oh wow that is a fabulous look! I thought initially it was a top and skirt and then when I saw it was a dress, well so many opportunities open to you for alternative outfits.
Retirement is a process that you have to grow into. My husband was already retired when we married and I continued for about a year. In that time he had the house running like clockwork, dinner was ready to go when I arrived home, consequently, when I actually stopped work it took quite a while to find my place, I felt like a non person. It needed thought and empathy from both sides til we settled into a happy medium of allowing each to do our own thing yet coming together to share at the same time. Like most good things it takes time to make it work for both of us.
Pamela
http://www.style-yourself-confident.com
Oh my goodness, Rena, this outfit is one of my favorites ever! I love that tie dye kimono and the white maxi dress looks so amazing on you. Lately I feel like I am retired! Now that my kids are more independent, my days are free to do the things I enjoy. So I make myself a priority especially during school hours. I do my yoga and watch my favorite shows and leisurely work on my blog at my own pace. It is a beautiful life! Also…over the years, I have forced myself to respond with a simple thank you when I receive compliments. I just stop myself short right there without adding the self deprecating comment that always pops into my head. We should all try to practice that more!
Shelbee
When I had to retire, because of my lungdisease, I thought it was the most horrible thing! I loved my work! Now, 10 years further, I still dream a lot that I am still working. Love your look! Love how you styled it and the white looks very good on you!
Honestly I didn’t realize the kimono and dress were separate pieces at first! I thought it was just tie dyed them faded to white! It’s really pretty the way you knotted it.
I love kimonos and dresses together and I love the tie dye with the white dress! Such a great combo for a warm day! 🙂
Thanks for the link up! Hope your week is going well. It’s a really cold, wintery one here!
I work from home so have always thought my story was pretty boring since I wasn’t commuting to the city any longer. And now that my daughter is grown, there are not the activities and volunteer opportunities that kept me busy. I miss it but try to embrace that I have more time to do things for myself. Your all white outfit is so chic! Love the breezy vibes!
Jill – Doused in Pink
I feel the same way about my daily happenings as a stay at home mom: not very exciting for others with the chauffeur activities, blog writing and errands. I do enjoy my quiet breakfasts when I can and my physical activities. But I often feel a little lacking in comparison to moms that work even though I wouldn’t chose any different.
Loving this outfit! Summery and relaxed and I love how you have the kimono in the first picture. Is it pinned together? By the way that first pic is quite artistic!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
Wow there’s just so much to discuss from this article! I think it’s maybe our generation where we find it more difficult (or somehow vain) to just accept a compliment. We were taught to always stay humble- in my case at least. But I find that I’ve gotten so much better with this. What helped me was to think about the other person- the one giving the compliment. How does that feel to tell someone something nice without them even acknowledging or accepting that? So that helped me! As for my personal interest on how people spend their days- I love that- especially when it comes to being semi-retired in my case. Finally reaping the benefits of doing anything I want (not fully yet- but soon!). And when I read about that, it makes me super happy and excited. Nothing boring about ‘la dolce vita’ (living the sweet life). Now about that dress…you are one hot mama- looking fabulous!!! Have a great week xx
Comparison will be the death of us even though by now we all know better. Sometimes we all need a good reminder.
But I’m loving your outfit the dress with the kimono is very flattering. And I can tell you feel that way also because you radiate confidence in these photos.
You’ve struck a chord Rena. I am 2 days away from finishing work forever. And I am fearful about how my life will be perceived by others. Am I making myself uninteresting? But very few people ever asked me about work, what it was I actually did.
I love the white dress and tie dye kimono. One of NY favourites. You seem to have aged backwards lately and have such joie de vivre! Now that I’m retiring, I’ll have whatever you’re having.
Oh Rena, I adore this outfit! I just love everything about it. As I’ve grown older, the comparison stuff has pretty much gone by the wayside for me. The only thing I ever worried about was my weight – and that’s back when I was skinny. I think it’s due to my temperament. I’m very introverted and many things that appeal to others just don’t appeal to me.
By the way, I did change my email and resubscribed, so I am getting your post notifications. I guess I should have unsubscribed the other one before I shut it down. Apologies for the confusion.
I love how you put your outfit together. It is so pretty and looks great on you! I loved your post too. I can relate to most of it.
Thanks for hosting a great party. I shared from both my blogs. Have a fantastic weekend!
You wear white better than anyone else I’ve seen – I truly mean that. It just looks so good with the tie-dye kimono and your beautiful hair! I think we all compare ourselves to others, even without realising. Sometimes it can be motivating and productive, but often it spills over into something unhelpful. At that point I try to pull myself up and get perspective on the situation. Thanks for linking up with me!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com